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Monday, February 14, 2011

No Valentine? Oh no!!

Valentine's day, what a shit holiday.  This coming from the guy who will be bringing flowers to his single mom and probably making her cook.

If you don't happen to have a valentine, wake up in the morning and do exactly the same thing you did yesterday, because the only thing special about today is that you only have to pay for your own dinner. 

Do something constructive with your misery, invest in Hallmark Corporation and then thank all your friends in relationships for making you rich. 

Go to the gym until you collapse.  Not only will you wake up and it wont be valentines day anymore, you will have lost all that weight that everyone else was gaining. 

Go outside, there's a reason you're alone on valentines day, and it's not because girls are mean/have cooties. 

However, if you feel compelled to celebrate, here are some tips.

Look for a valentine on craigslist personals, the one stop shop for love.

Go to the bars! No not the shit dive bars where the bartenders cheer every time you leave because you've puked there so many times; I'm talking about a decent downtown bar and grill.  Single people like those kinds of places. 

Go to the movies, sit next to another couple, and pretend you're their date and not that other dude.  Maybe she'll let you hold her hand. 

Ladies, you can do this too, except you may end up getting yourself into a different sort of three way situation that you weren't expecting. 

Some people like to celebrate this special day by themselves, which brings up the question, "does listening to alanis morrissette and drinking red wine count as celebrating ;)";)  Of course it does Mckenzie and i'm sure alanis would agree.

However, if you insist on being sad about not having a valentine, don't complain to the rest  of us who are enjoying our days. 

Whatever your plans are on this years glorious Valentine's Day, just remember, if you don't have a significant other to celebrate with, you're obviously a loser. 

J.C.

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